The Christian Hunters

First off - How to Date at a Christian College
went viral really fast and I loved all the feedback!
You all went crazy over the hysterical yet true story.
So on to the next part of the dating series...

One thing comes to mind whenever anyone

talks about hunting these days- The Hunger Games.

My favorites: Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss and Liam Hemsworth as Gale.

They are going to be my Christian Hunters in today's post.

First of all - you're probably wondering who a "Christian Hunter" is.

Christian Hunters are people who are intensely looking for

a boy/girl to be their husband/wife immediately.

Yes, these people actually do exist!

I run into tons of them every single year.

There is something in their eyes that tips me off,

and then they open their mouth and I have them labeled instantly.

It is so clear and obvious when a person is desperately hunting a spouse.

And unfortunately, they keep coming out of nowhere and appearing everywhere!

So Jennifer and Liam are going to portray the classic things that Christian Hunters 

say, do and think while trying to date on a Christian college campus.

Signs to Identify Christian Hunters:

-Began college at or over the age of 21.

-Upperclassman status: Juniors: kinda desperate. Seniors: extremely desperate.

-Every other word out of their mouth is marriage.

-They say that they like to take walks around campus.

-They want to go into ministry soon (aka pastor needs a wife to be hired - "fact.")

The Christians Hunters' Top Goals:

Proposal within first year.

Marriage within a year and a half.

So how do Jennifer and Liam track down "the chosen one?"

Well here are their intense, stereotypical, and completely true tactics

that are now being revealed as the ultimate hunting techniques.

Jennifer's strategy to snag a hubby:

(Nickname: Husband Hunter)

-Appear put together and reserved at all times.

-Never plays hard-to-get because there is no time to waste.

-Asks all friends and family members about potential guys to date.

-Yet never appears to be too desperate - right level of desperation required.

-Engages in activities where there is bound to be husband potential.

-Knows the spiritual and commitment level of each guy on campus.

-Tweets short daily devotional lessons with a journal picture.

-Prays to God hourly for Him to reveal "the solemate."

-Picks out a ring style at a variety of different prices and places.

-Has hair highlighted and cut before spring break,

and has nails done weekly for the impending "ring by spring."

-Has a binder with most of the wedding plans completed - 

Just be ready to insert the groom.

-Informs all friends of future wedding date.

-Preps parents for their future son-in-law's arrival any day now.

Note: Ring by Spring - it is a phrase that is associated with young Christians who 

are very eager to get married right after graduation. Therefore, they must have a 

ring before the spring of their senior year in order for this dream to come true!

Warning: This fever is contagious and can be very dangerous causing hallucinations.

Liam's strategy to marry quickly:

(Nickname: Creepy Wifey Hunter)

-Befriends every girl on campus but just as 'friends.'

-Don't want to appear too desperate so hide all intentions of marriage at first.

-Yet comes off as very put together and ready to settle down at any moment.

-Gathers information on all potential girls - taken and single.

-Stalking might have to be considered in order to determine wife potential.

-Takes most likely girl on a walk and determines relationship status by end.

-Picks out the engagement ring within first three months of "the walk."

-Keeps the relationship consistently moving at a light-speed pace.

-Shows commitment by spending every moment with 'the chosen one.'

-Keeps the relationship constantly focused on marriage.

-Every other sentence begins with "when we're married..."

-Throws around terms like "soulmate"  and "God's will" a lot.

-Find mentor then starts pre-martial counseling after 6 months.

-Proposes within first year on or on one year anniversary,

but be sure it is in the spring time cause all girls want the "ring by spring."

-Clears schedule for weekend after classes are done or graduation - wedding day!

Hunters' Pet Peeve Sayings:

Girl: "If I don't get married right after college or by the time I turn 23, 

then God must want me to be single for the rest of my life."

-Not true ladies! The average age for a woman marrying for the 1st time is 26.

Boy: "I need to marry her within the first year because it's God's will."

-What does that even mean? And slow down you have time guys!

The average age for men marrying for the first time is 28.

Both: "There is only one person out there for me and God will reveal to

me the instant we meet that that it is His will for us to be together."

-Show me the text from God when you get it. I'd love to see it! But really?! Come on.

I'm not bashing anyone for marrying young or saying it is wrong.

But so often I hear my friends who are 20 and 21 thinking they are old maids

because they're not dating anyone or receiving a ring within the next few months.

This is just craziness to me! Why is it such a big deal among Christians?

The national average for first time marriages falls in the mid to upper 20s.

So why are "kids" in their early 20s feeling behind the game?

Marriage is a huge commitment and you can't trade it in.

So do people really know what they're getting in to?

Because of education and college, adolescence has been extended

up into the mid-20s. Most people move back home after graduation

because the economy is so poor that no one can afford to live out

on their own and pay back all of their school loans after graduation.

Therefore, finding out who you really are happens around 25.

(Obviously some people know before this - but that is an average)

So now we have a bunch of 'adolescences' who have 

never discovered who they really are getting married.

Now this is just not everyone - 

but there is research to back up what I said.

Adolescence across the board has been extended into the 20s

and kids today are not as independent as their parents were.

Disclaimer: This can be disastrous when 

attempting to "hunt a spouse."

PS. Did you know that Christians marry 6 years 

younger than non-Christians?!